Child dating – Are you ready for it?
Parents are faced with the question of an appropriate dating age at earlier and earlier times in their children’s lives. It’s not unusual to hear about- year olds who are double dating with older teens or in a group. Children, as young as second grade, talk about ‘going steady’, even when they aren’t talking to the girl or guy.
So what can a parent do to assist their child to prepare for a dating relationship that remains positive?
Discuss dating with your children as they are growing up. Include dating in your conversations about their sexuality. For instance, when you see a couple kissing in public it’s a perfect opportunity to talk about how they feel about public displays of affection, how that integrates into a relationship and why a couple might feel it’s appropriate to kiss in a public place. No answer is right or wrong. The key is to help your teen express their ideas so they can hear themselves telling you their ideas.
Then back up what you say with actions. Show them that you follow the same advice you gave them. If you’re married, show respect to your partner – always. Your children will emulate you and they always learn by watching what you do. If you are a single parent, be particular in how you act on a date as you want them to behave in the same manner.
Talk with your teen about the criteria you will use in your decision about dating. Giving a blanket statement such as “When you show the maturity to go out on a date!” isn’t an answer they’ll understand. Instead use concrete examples of behavior you expect them to have. Tell them, “Maturity means you’ll do your chores without being constantly reminded, you’ll live up to your potential in school, you will be a safe driver, you’ll learn to control your anger, you’ll make strong decisions about your friends and will accept the consequences of your behavior without an argument.”
With the guidelines set, watch how they act. But be forgiving. Explain to them that to be mature and partake in dating they must display responsibility in all areas of their life as well.
With maturity comes trust. Let your child know this as well. And trust is earned, not given. Remind them that they need to earn your trust in the small things in order to be given the freedom of the larger things – like dating. For example, if they don’t tell you the truth on occasion about having their homework done, how can they expect your trust on the more important items?
Find out if your community has a teen curfew and be sure your teen is aware of the time. Knowing the legal rules first will save your son or daughter the embarrassment of being approached by the police.
Finally when conversing with your child about dating, let them know your expectations; your beliefs and morals. Tell them about sexuality and what it entails. They are going to find out anyway. You might as well get your ideals in there first. And with this frank relationship, your children are more likely to believe in what you say than if you ignore it until it’s too late. If you truly want your child to abstain from sex until later years, then you are best to enforce the positives of this early rather than try to paddle upstream against the peer pressure after your child has decided to become sexually active.
The key is talk with your children PRIOR to them dating so that it is your guidance that they fall back on when the time comes to make a responsible decision.
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